I woke up this morning and went through my usual ritual of reading emails, publishing comments and checking out my favorite sites for the latest and greatest bags. As I sleepily went through the pages, this insanely ugly bag caught my eye and woke me up instantly. What am I looking at? Are those two dead skunks hanging from the bag? Is Fendi recycling road kill yet again? I enlarged the photo and realized with great relief it was not dead rats hanging from the bag but wool made to look like dead rats (not much better in my opinion). In addition, the geniuses at Fendi decided to place multi-colored fish scales in the middle of the bag, you know, just in case our senses have not been assaulted enough. I then looked at the price and that’s when I went into serious shock. SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR WOOL SCRAP MADE TO LOOK LIKE ROADKILL AND A FEW PIECES OF LEATHER? Karl, maybe it’s time to start eating again, when your belly was rounded and happy you gave us the Baguette. Now starving and angry, it is assaulting us with this abominable beast. A journalist from the Wall Street Journal recently asked me if the bag craze will ever end and I had replied “Absolutely not! Women will always love handbags.” But not if they all start looking like this. In fact, if all bags became this appallingly gross, we’ll have to do what Carine Roitfeld says she prefers to do, putting things in her pockets and not carry bags at all. Fendi Sequin and wool embellished mess $7,190 at Net-a-Porter.

Anthracite patent leather clutch with beading details. When you hear the description it sounds pretty good but just look at this thing, it looks like a dissected sea creature. The scalloped beading detail looks scale-y and scary and the proportions are all wrong with the middle strap awkwardly cutting into the design. I guess it does make sense to have the middle clear of beading for when you’re holding it but isn’t it the job of the designer to think of these things AND make the bag look good? To be fair, the beading detail is actually really not that bad, it’s just the use of it on this bag is all wrong. And the double F cut-out, are you supposed to use it as a handle by threading your fingers through there? I would be tempted to do so because it just looks like a handle but it would make the bag look even stupider with its odd scale. The real shock with this bag is that it is $2370. This is a small bag and there is nothing on there that warrants a big price tag (even with the double F logo, it’s more expensive than their B and Spy bags). What gives? At Net a Porter.

I don’t know about you but this patent and latex bag looks to me like it belongs in the dollar bin at Wal Mart instead of a $1500 Fendi bag sold at Barneys. Imagine carrying a bag made of latex… do you really want to smell like a condom all day long? A giant latex bag at that, it is listed as 40″ wide, so it’s almost a four foot wide bag! At first I thought it was an error but then saw that it is 29″ long, making it almost a 4ft x 3ft bag. I guess this was made for prostitutes who have to carry changes of clothes, wigs, weapons and whatever else they need for their trade. And look at those gross bumpy bubbles on the latex(or is that patent? don’t know which part is which, it’s all so hideous) I know I have been all into patent leather but this bag just made me want to cancel every single order I have made for fall. The only patent leather bags I currently own are the Valextra Boston in nude patent and white patent Chanel 2.55, both will stay permanently in the Bag Snob collection. The rest, not so sure. Leave it to Fendi to take the look of the season and make it as ugly as possible. $1,580 at Barneys New York.

I know we stopped paying attention to the Spy and all its incarnations but this one cannot be ignored even if it is just for a quick laugh. Apparently commissioned by a rag doll, this patchwork craft bag is full of beads and velvet details. But whatever. The thing that is shocking about this bag is that it is $6040!! Hello!!!! Who the @#$% would pay 6 grand for something Holly Hobby threw out? This is by far the worst way to spend $6,000. Burning it or gambling it away still has its merits compared to wasting it on sewing room floor scraps - not to mention your friends will never stop laughing at you (that is, if you have friends, assuming that if you did they would have stopped you from buying this or forced you to return it even if they weren’t with you when you bought it). In case you don’t believe this is actually being sold, it’s at Saks.

The trend for Spring it seems is: the shinier the better! Since we did the story on Louboutin’s mirror bag and heels, we cannot seem to get enough of bags that are so shiny, you do not need to pack your compact. Convenient, yes, but not necessarily a good thing. Think of the traffic accidents you’ll cause walking down the street! But everyone is doing it and we do mean everyone because if Fendi, LV and Gucci are doing it then adding Tod’s, Allesandro Dell’Acqua and Celine to the list is just excessively proving the point. Here are our favorites for this in your face trend.

The Gucci Romy silver python is actually quite nice. No bamboo handle, no over-use of horse paraphernalia, no monogram, it’s all good by our standards. The Tod’s Nuova D mirror bag is something we didn’t expect from the quiet conservative house, but the bag itself is all Tod’s and we like the unadorned bag to enhance the mirorr-ness of the patent shine. It’s very mid-century modern. Another unexpected favorite that caught my eye is the Celine Bittersweet. Here is a perfect example of how color and material can make a bag because normally I would walk right by the Bittersweet without a second glance but you almost need a slightly boring bag to make the super shine pleasing rather than obnoxious. And of course, Alesandro Dell’Acqua, certainly no follower in this dare to out-glare. The Blondie was a hot bag we spotted on the runway in moss (all shades of greens is another Spring trend we absolutely love love love!!!) and in the silver is almost as amazing. Gucci $2850 available Feb. 15 at Gucci Online. Tod’s Nuova D available in the Spring at Tod’s boutique 650 Madison Avenue, New York 212 644 5945. Celine available in the Spring at 667 Madison Avenue, New York 212 486 9700.

Mel from Tokyo, a loyal Bag Snob reader since Day 1, alerted me to this Fendi bag last week. At first I thought my near sightedness was back even though I had Lasik 8 years ago and have had 20/20 vision ever since. I looked at it from all angles and zoomed in on every corner of the bag to make sure I was seeing correctly. Sure enough, there is nothing wrong with my vision. It really is a ghastly concoction of multi colored canvas, rope, lizard, patent leather, and Fendi plaque, all topped off with a giant gaudy yellow crown. Why, Fendi, why do you continue assaulting us with these ridiculous and horrendous bags? And naming it “Bag du Jour” is not going to entice anyone to buy it, cuz if being fashionable today means I have to be seen with this hideous bag, I don’t want to be of the moment. I’d rather be so last season and use my Pierre Hardy besace bag, the “Bag du Hier”. And the design isn’t the only appalling thing, the price is just as ridiculous. It’s $1910 on sale for $1377 at eLuxury!

I find this super simple Selleria from Fendi quite refreshing. I love that the simplicity showcases the silver metallic, making that the highlight of the bag. This is a large bag, 13″ H x 17″ W, so it’s perfect for travel or work. Practical and sophisticated with just the right amount of snap. Fashion over function? It doesn’t always have to be! At Saks for $1410.